Summer update

Bear announced he’d have me come a lot, sometime in January. He wasn’t kidding. I think on average he has me orgasm once every week-and-a-bit. It’s a challenge, actually, I’m not used to coming that often any more.

Three times now, my body just refused. Bear orders me to come, I’m hard, I’m right there – and I can’t. I writhe, I moan, I groan, I cry out, it feels like I am well past the point of no return and the feeling of Bear’s hand on my dick is insanely intense – and still I can’t come.

I apologized to him for that, and he reassured me that I never needed to apologize for not coming, even when ordered to. That’s a relief.

It’s not happened twice in a row. The next time he tells me to come, usually a couple days later, I do. Literally screaming, in one case.

The 0ga piercing continues to be a joy. I imagine it to be more sensitive than the 2ga was. I can’t say that’s objectively true, but then it doesn’t have to be. The custom-ordered titanium ring for it arrived, and we both like the look and feel of it.

The Steelworxx “Securo-Cage 2” has been sent back and forth a few times. Measuring dicks is a challenge, y’all. It’s now as well-fitting as it can be, and I still can’t use it. Something in there “catches” on the thread of the screw that screws through my PA piercing, or that’s what it feels like at least. Removing that screw again is excruciatingly painful. I’m hoping that as my piercing stretches a bit further over time, that’ll get easier. I don’t expect to be able to wear that device any time soon. A shame, really.

We’re continuing to use the “daily touch-points” that Mistress Sky taught us. Our being taught by her has come to an end; what we did learn is immensely helpful to integrating D/s into our relationship.

Bear has started giving me tasks which are rewarded by points, using an app. He hasn’t come up with rewards yet. He says he likes how I’ve been making a point of completing tasks. I like the praise.

And that’s about it on the kink side. Meanwhile we’re also busy remodeling bits of our house. I’m liking where it’s going, though it’s going very very slowly.


Talk to each other, you say?

On our 19th anniversary, Bear said “It’s a shame you have a hard time reaching yourself when I hump you. I really like it when you stroke yourself.” Eh? Wut? I don’t have a hard time reaching myself, I just didn’t ask for permission to stroke because I thought it’d be, you know, improperly submissive. Focus on the pleasure of the Dominant and all that.

Yeah. 19 years and now I find out that Bear loves it when I stroke myself while he fucks me; and he finds out I can reach myself just fine. I guess this is what they (They!) mean when they talk about “good communication”. Too funny.


Yay I have mail! “modem” writes:

This is awesome. Please keep your orgasm tracker active; it’s hot seeing how long you go. I’d love to see you keep a log of long denied edging sessions too, but I’ll admit it’s only for… reasons.

Perhaps logging your “successfully denied” masturbation sessions would help motivate better behavior? You get the payoff (and recognition) for being horny enough to jerk off, but disciplined enough to stop. We can distinguish between “success due to swamped at work” from “really struggling but well-behaved”.

Thank you for the kudos! It’s always nice to get feedback. “Long denied edging sessions” are rare with us. Mostly Bear strokes me while I get him off. I don’t set an egg timer, but around 10 minutes or so, less if he comes particularly quickly.

We do have this “dice” thing going, which Bear has suspended for the time being. Too many orgasms without permission. A tracker for masturbation sessions sounds like fun, if rather self-indulgent fun. I didn’t want to clutter the orgasm tracker with daily entries, so I’ve installed and adapted an events plugin for the purpose. Enjoy! Brand-new masturbation calendar. Goodness me. The debauchery around here.


So you want to pierce your dick

Howdy! This’ll be a compilation post of the things I learned as I got a “Prince Albert” piercing, and the things I wish I had known earlier. There’s nothing earth-shattering here, and still, despite lots of Internet searches, I didn’t find all this information. One more place to find it at can’t hurt.

I’ll link to the jewelry and items I recommend. These are not affiliate links, I don’t get paid for them.

I’ll just link to what a Prince Albert piercing is.

Getting pierced, aftercare

Ask around about piercers in your general area with lots of experience doing genital piercings. You want them to have experience because mistakes are costly: If placed too close to your meatus (piss slit), the piercing can “migrate out”, that is, actually cut your dick open. The same can happen if the jewelry is too thin, the “cheese cutter” effect. PAs get pierced anywhere from 10ga to 6ga initially for this reason. Some people have had a permanent loss of erection from a piercing, likely because a blood vessel was nicked. Find someone who’s done these, a lot, and who gets stellar reviews from your community. If you don’t mind being around kinky people, ask on Fetlife. The people there will know.

That said, the PA is one of the fastest-healing piercings you can get. Initial healing shouldn’t take longer than 4-6 weeks. You can likely have sex within 3 to 4 weeks after the piercing. Listen to your body.  If there’s any pain, stop, do something else. Oh, and if you’re allowed to, cum before you get pierced, because you won’t again for a few weeks while this heals.

The piercing will continue to heal and toughen for a year or so. You’ll know when you’ve reached that stage because you’ll be able to pull on the piercing to where your dick stretches out, and not feel any discomfort during or afterward. Do not try that with small-gauge jewelry, I implore you – “cheese cutter” effect be real, yo.

What to bring:
Clean underwear
Change of underwear and more maxipads, just in case
You should be well hydrated and have had a meal

Lay in supplies at home. Gauze rolls, and saline wound wash for wound care. You can get both at any pharmacy.

Choose the gauge you’ll get pierced at. My recommendation is to have this pierced at the largest gauge your piercer is comfortable with. 8ga is good, 6ga might be better. A larger piercing bleeds more, but heals more rapidly. It’s also less likely to be uncomfortable during sexual activity, because of the larger surface area of the jewelry.

Choose your initial jewelry. My recommendation is a titanium curved barbell. It won’t snag on anything, works well with or without a foreskin, and the titanium is lightweight and won’t trigger any skin reactions.

Don’t use blood thinners. No aspirin. If you are on blood thinners for medical reasons, don’t get pierced. Ibuprofen, if you can tolerate it, may help with avoiding inflammation after.

This’ll bleed. Potentially a lot. The bleeding should stop almost completely within 12 hours or so. Don’t get too freaked out by that.

My piercer recommended rinsing with saline wound wash twice a day but recommended against soaking, unlike much of the literature you find online. He says soaking will puff up the flesh and delay healing. Sounded legitimate to me, and rinsing was sufficient in my case to ensure the piercing healed cleanly. Be religious about the twice-daily rinse. If there’s ANY inflammation, see your piercer or a doctor. There shouldn’t be inflammation and you’d be risking damage to your dick if you don’t treat it, all the way up to the piercing cutting it apart – migrating.

Jewelry options

This is one of the things I wish I had known earlier. You can get large balls with medium-gauge jewelry, but there’s only one vendor who offers that to the best of my knowledge.

It’s possible for the ball at the top of your dick to drop into your meatus – your piss slit – during sexual activity. That is not fun. The jewelry will hang out the bottom hole. Looks bad, can snag on your partner if you’re penetrating someone, and can freak your partner out.

The obvious option is to get a larger ball. With most shops, large balls come with larger-gauge jewelry. As a result, I was in a hurry to stretch, and let me tell you, no bueno.

Solution: Buy stainless steel jewelry from Body Circle Designs, once your piercing has healed. The largest end balls they can offer for 8ga are 3/8″, but from 6ga on, they’ll size you up to 1″. 1″ is heavy and impractical, but 1/2″ or 5/8″ might be the size you need.

I guessed at the size of my urethra and bought increasingly larger balls until I found one that wouldn’t slip in – 5/8″ in my case. That’ll work, but there’s another way.

You can order a set of “Hegar Urethral Sounds“, which are stainless steel rods you insert into your dick. That’ll allow you to get the size of your urethra to the mm, which is good enough for these purposes. There are many places to buy these, the one I linked is one I trust and where the reviews spoke of good quality. You want these to be highly polished and not have any scrapey bits.

When you insert anything into your dick, you want it to be as clean and sterile as possible. UTIs – Urinary Tract Infections – are an absolute bitch, and you don’t want one. Lay in a supply of antiseptic towelettes and sterile lube. Unless you’re into urethral insertion play, these will last you for years.

The two materials I’d consider for dick jewelry are 316LVM stainless steel and “implant-grade” titanium. LVM is “Low Carbon” and “Vaccum Arc Remelted”, which means there are less air-borne contaminants in the metal. Both are hypoallergenic, that is not about to cause an allergic reaction, titanium a little more so.

Stainless steel is heavier and this can work for you once your piercing is fully healed. You may enjoy the feel of heavier jewelry, you may also be hoping for a “natural stretch” effect through the weight.

For shapes, you have three basic ones: Curved barbell, ring, and circular barbell. The circular barbell looks like a horseshoe.

Then there’s also the “Prince’s Wand“, which is a rod that goes into your urethra, with a pin screwing into it via your piercing. That’s a somewhat less common choice, and a lot of guys wear it only for play, not 24/7. It can be worn 23/6, though I have yet to learn how.

Circular barbells by their nature don’t work well if you need larger end balls. They also don’t work that well if you have your foreskin, because they’ll just hang out the top of your dick, with the bottom ball covered by your foreskin. That said, they’re a popular option.


Curved barbells are excellent for allowing a piercing to heal – either initially or after a stretch. They don’t get in the way, and they’re not so heavy that they’ll irritate and inflame the piercing. They also can take any size ball, which makes them a great choice for people with a wider urethra.

Rings come as segment rings, captive bead, or screw-on ball. Both segment rings and captive bead need some serious hardware to put in and out. Screw-on ball isn’t continuous / seamless, but needs no tools. If you do go the segment ring or captive bead route, invest in ring opening pliers, a ball grabber, and some ring closing pliers.

The Internet tells me that a curved barbell with a large ball on top is best for pleasing your partner during penetrative sex, and I have no reason to doubt that. 2ga is the recommended minimum jewelry size for that use.


This is the bit I really wish I had known more about initially. You have to take this slow, or else you’ll have inflammation, or a blowout. I was in an awful hurry, and I get how hot it is to go up a size. Don’t be in the same hurry I was. If you need larger end balls, read the previous bit about jewelry: You can get those without increasing the gauge of your jewelry.

Emu Oil comes recommended to increase the elasticity of your skin before a stretch. I haven’t tried that, but it sounds like a good idea. Massage into the skin around your piercing for 1 to 2 weeks before you attempt to stretch.

Your piercing has to be fully healed. Your first stretch shouldn’t come any earlier than 4 months after the initial piercing, and after each stretch, you want to allow another 3 to 4 months for it to heal.

Only stretch “one size up”, never more. 8ga to 6ga. Wait for it to heal completely. 6ga to 4ga. Wait for it to heal completely. And so on to 2ga, 0ga, 00ga, and beyond that if desired.

I’ve stretched to 0ga using tapers, and the biggest stretch, from 2ga to 0ga, was actually the easiest, because it was the one where I did it right and took it slow.

Here’s what you’ll want:

A threaded taper. You want the jewelry to follow right through. Don’t get unthreaded.

A curved barbell. It’s the type of jewelry that will irritate your freshly stretched piercing the least. That’s my experience at least. If you need a larger ball on top, buy one to match.

If you don’t have them already, lay in a supply of antiseptic towelettes and sterile lube.

Did I mention to take it slow? Clean the taper. Lube the taper and your piercing. Insert, let gravity do its thing. Maybe push on the taper very, very gently. If there’s a slight pinching sensation, stop, wait a few minutes, see whether it’ll subside. If it gets uncomfortable, pull the taper back out, relube, wait a bit, try again.

After a while, pushing the taper will go from “this pinches a bit” to “this hurts”. At that point, stop. Put the jewelry back in. Wait a few days, make sure there is no discomfort remaining whatsoever. Then try again.

Do not breathe through pain. I thought I was safe to do that, and I wasn’t. It’s okay if it takes months to stretch. Going from 2ga to 0ga took me one and a half years, with me trying the taper every month or two.

Heavy jewelry can inflame your stretched tissue, and if you leave that be and hope it’ll heal on its own: It won’t. You’ll need to step down a size or two, use saline spray again, wait for it to heal, and stretch back up again. A gentle stretch and curved barbell is your best bet to avoid this issue. You may also want to have titanium jewelry on hand, it is lighter and won’t irritate your piercing.

Size matters

The inside diameter of your jewelry is something you’ll need to discover through some trial and error. Go with the recommendation of your piercer at first, and then see from there. Keep in mind that larger gauges take up more space: An 8ga 1″ ring may be just fine, where a 2ga 1″ ring will irritate the back of your meatus because you have an extra 6mm of material beyond the inner diameter. I dropped from an initial 1″ 8ga ring to 3/4″ 2ga jewelry, and ordered a ring of 11/16″ once I got to 0ga.

You’ll determine how far you want to stretch. My recommendation is to stretch at least to where the jewelry is big enough that it’s completely comfortable. In my case, discomfort from sharp tugs at the piercing was almost completely gone at 6ga and completely gone at 4ga. 2ga, which I’ve seen recommended as the ideal size for penetrative sex, might be as far as you want to go, because the stretch to 0ga, by 1.5mm, is so large and daunting. Also consider the jewelry you’re interested in. Your choices dwindle as you increase the size of your piercing.

Steelwerks makes a locking curved hollow barbell, and I think the recommended size of 2ga is also the largest size he’ll make these at. Something to do with the difficulty of bending larger gauges.

Captive bead ring jewelry seems to top out at 2ga. I’ve seen Anatometal offer a segment ring at 0ga, but that’s special order from your piercing shop, not available online anywhere I looked.

Screw-on ball rings come as large as 00ga from Anatometal.

A Prince Albert Wand can be had in really large sizes, up to 5/8″.

Barbells and tapers are available up to 1/2″. Maybe there’s larger, if so, I haven’t found them.

I’m not sure whether there are sizing limits to the pins that secure a chastity cage. Ask your manufacturer, likely Steelworxx or Steelwerks, before you stretch past 2ga.

If you’re in a committed relationship, I’d say check in with your partner. They might have an aesthetic preference. I’ve seen some fairly small dicks with really large jewelry, and that’s a startling look. Of course, if you think that’s really hot, and your partner does too, bonus!



Prince Albert: 0ga

Time for a Dick Jewelry update, as one does. I’ve last increased the size of my PA piercing to 2ga in late August 2016, about a year and a half ago. Rest assured, the blowout that happened with that has completely healed.

Today, the 0ga taper I’ve been testing on and off slipped right through. Woo-hoo, I’m at 0ga! I do like the look of larger-gauge jewelry. There was a small amount of discomfort / burning feeling, but nothing major. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson and this stretch will heal without complications and without needing to step down to 2ga again.

I used a taper and jewelry from Body Circle, who are now my go-to shop for stainless steel dick jewelry.

I went ahead and ordered a titanium ring with screw-in ball, from Anatometal. That should arrive mid-May. I opted for this over a captive bead ring or segment ring because the discussions with Steelworxx are proceeding apace, and I should have a glans cage that fits me within a few months. I see value in being able to exchange dick jewelry without the need to bust out some serious tools. 0ga rings do not open easily.

I am, truth be spoken, already eyeing 00ga. However, I’ll take my time. The available jewelry goes down sharply the higher up one goes in gauge. Beyond 00ga, it’s basically just “Stainless Steel Barbell”, and I do like the idea of pretty rainbow-colored titanium jewelry. That means 00ga would be the largest I can stretch to – and I’m not sure yet that the extra mm kicks me that hard.

Right. Who am I kidding. That said, not very soon. I’ll stay at 0ga for at least a year.

I took the opportunity to go through all the dick jewelry I’ve acquired over the past three years. Boy, I did go overboard at 2ga, and no mistake. Other than being a silly and fun collection shot, this is also an offer. If you see anything here that looks interesting, or you want the whole collection, shoot me a note. I’ll entertain pretty much any offer. This stuff just takes up space here, after all. I’ll sterilize the jewelry in a steam pressure cooker for an hour, of course. Poor man’s autoclave :).

8ga to 4ga. The 8ga jewelry is Titanium. My notes on 6ga tell me that’s a stainless steel barbell. The ring might be stainless or titanium . 4ga is stainless steel, I think by Body Circle, but honestly, that might be Industrial Strength after all – with matching taper. If I were to do this over, I’d stretch to 6ga with a Body Circle taper.

4ga was the first size that felt comfortable, where I didn’t feel a pinching sensation when masturbating. Dicks are special snowflakes and your experience will be individual, but still, I wouldn’t want to wear a PA smaller than 4ga.


2ga collection. Lots of Body Circle stainless, with some end balls that are not of reasonable size :). One Titanium captive bead rainbow ring, a few Industrial Strength stainless, and two tapers. The unthreaded taper is pretty much useless. The IS taper is what I used, but looking back, if I had to do this again, I’d use a Body Circle taper.


All the orgasms

I was talking over the finer points of orgasm vs. “ruined orgasm” vs. ejaculation with Thumper on his blog – as one does – and he linked to a piece where he discusses the difference, in his dynamic, between what constitutes an orgasm and what really does not. I see myself in a lot of what he’s describing, the actual goings-on are probably universal to most if not all men. And that got me to thinking: I think I know that any ejaculation is an orgasm in my dynamic, but do I know? I better discuss this with Bear.

So we did. Discuss. And, yep, around here, if the dick twitches and there is semen coming out, that’s an orgasm. No matter how calm that feels or how “ruined”. And it’s not something I’m allowed to do without express permission. I thought that was what the rules were, but it was good to make that explicit one more time. The key to that is what Bear thinks an orgasm is, not any kind of Universal Truth about orgasms.

This does however conflict with something else Bear said – probably about a year ago at this point: He wanted me to “milk myself” for prostate health. And, it turns out, that’s just not a thing for me. Without some form of stimulation of the dick, I don’t ejaculate; and when I do ejaculate, see above, it’s an orgasm, one of those Things Not Allowed.

So I asked Bear how he wanted to handle that. Suggestions I had were to just drop the idea of “milking for prostate health” entirely, I’m perfectly happy to only come when he wants me to. The other ideas were to use the electro-stim toy we have or manual stimulation to induce a “ruined orgasm” in his presence, on a cadence he sets, maybe while we’re doing something else: Reading, or watching something, or playing a game while on the couch. It can take a while, and I certainly didn’t mean to suggest he’d have to pay attention to my dick the entire time.

He mulled it over briefly, and then announced: “I think I’d like to make you come more often. When I’m feeling better.” (He’s got a nasty cold right now)

“Oh?” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “Maybe once or twice a month.”

“Oh wow,” I said.

“I like seeing you come, and it’ll be good for your prostate,” he said. “Let’s try it for a little while.”

All right then. For a little while, during sex with Bear, I’ll be having all the orgasms, all the time. At least that’s what “once or twice a month” feels like now. It’s not up to me whether I come all the time or none of the time, and I really dig that.