All the orgasms

I was talking over the finer points of orgasm vs. “ruined orgasm” vs. ejaculation with Thumper on his blog – as one does – and he linked to a piece where he discusses the difference, in his dynamic, between what constitutes an orgasm and what really does not. I see myself in a lot of what he’s describing, the actual goings-on are probably universal to most if not all men. And that got me to thinking: I think I know that any ejaculation is an orgasm in my dynamic, but do I know? I better discuss this with Bear.

So we did. Discuss. And, yep, around here, if the dick twitches and there is semen coming out, that’s an orgasm. No matter how calm that feels or how “ruined”. And it’s not something I’m allowed to do without express permission. I thought that was what the rules were, but it was good to make that explicit one more time. The key to that is what Bear thinks an orgasm is, not any kind of Universal Truth about orgasms.

This does however conflict with something else Bear said – probably about a year ago at this point: He wanted me to “milk myself” for prostate health. And, it turns out, that’s just not a thing for me. Without some form of stimulation of the dick, I don’t ejaculate; and when I do ejaculate, see above, it’s an orgasm, one of those Things Not Allowed.

So I asked Bear how he wanted to handle that. Suggestions I had were to just drop the idea of “milking for prostate health” entirely, I’m perfectly happy to only come when he wants me to. The other ideas were to use the electro-stim toy we have or manual stimulation to induce a “ruined orgasm” in his presence, on a cadence he sets, maybe while we’re doing something else: Reading, or watching something, or playing a game while on the couch. It can take a while, and I certainly didn’t mean to suggest he’d have to pay attention to my dick the entire time.

He mulled it over briefly, and then announced: “I think I’d like to make you come more often. When I’m feeling better.” (He’s got a nasty cold right now)

“Oh?” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “Maybe once or twice a month.”

“Oh wow,” I said.

“I like seeing you come, and it’ll be good for your prostate,” he said. “Let’s try it for a little while.”

All right then. For a little while, during sex with Bear, I’ll be having all the orgasms, all the time. At least that’s what “once or twice a month” feels like now. It’s not up to me whether I come all the time or none of the time, and I really dig that.

 

Yay!(1)Meh(0)

3 submissive positions

As part of our mentoring with Mistress Sky, we’ve been taught positions to use. They’re fun and can add an easy way to remind both sides of the slash of the dynamic.

Position 1:
Shoulders back, back straight, gaze down, hands on top of each other in front of the body / crotch. Standing or kneeling.

Position 2:
Like position 1, with hands on top of each other behind the back. Standing or kneeling.

Position 3:
Like position 1, with hands on top of each other above the head. Standing or kneeling. The “inspection” position.

Bear took to position 1 initially, and then stopped using it. I’ll remind him that these are fun. 🙂

Yay!(1)Meh(0)

I don’t need to come (close)

Failure attitudes are a thing around here. My attitude is “I haven’t failed, I just found 1,000 ways that don’t work.” Bear’s attitude is a bit harsher. He’s working on that. Heh.

We’re some 4 years – is that right? – into orgasm denial without a device, and I keep coming when I’m not supposed to. In that time, though, there’s been progress. I learned not to use toys in my ass when playing with my dick, because, well, it seems obvious in hindsight. As does a lot of stuff.

I learned to let go of the idea that I was due an orgasm. I’m not. I don’t need to come, really.

I learned to stop obsessing about how long it’s been. I used to know to the day; now I need to check my Dorky Orgasm Tracker to find out.

I got better and better at edging and not coming, but, ultimately, not good enough.

And then, about a week ago, something that I had read about many times finally clicked: Willpower is finite. The best way to avoid giving in to temptation is to remove temptation.

We still don’t use a device. And even when the one we’re getting from Steelworxx arrives, it still won’t be used on a regular basis. Removing temptation by removing the dick is right out.

Removing temptation by an order not to stroke at all doesn’t work, either. We tried that. I get resentful. And eventually I disobey and come anyway. There’s that finite willpower thing again.

If I will stroke myself, and I keep coming without permission, eventually, even if after weeks or months, when I get close – well then the solution would be not to come close. Seems so obvious all of a sudden. If I don’t need to come, I also don’t need to come close. At least not by my own hand.

What we’re trying right now is modifying a few decades of masturbatory habit. Instead of stroking until I am close and then stopping – edging – I stroke until I am close to being close, if that makes sense. And then wait for at least 30 minutes. If I actually do get close, that’s it for the day. Oh, and there’s a limit to how often I can stroke per day. Determined by a die, the sheer nerdery of it all.

So far so good. I don’t feel resentful, I feel grateful. I get to indulge in the fantasy of being “perpetually aroused”, which I’ve had since I was a teen, and which Michael Manning explores so wonderfully. I’ve had a few days where I’ve been crawl-up-the-walls horny, the kind of day that would have resulted in ejaculation before, and all that happened is that I “almost came close”, instead of “almost came”.

I’ll know in a few weeks whether this approach is helpful. And if I’m very lucky, in a few months that it worked – but I am completely open to the outcome of “needs more tweaks”.

Yay!(3)Meh(0)