A look back: 3 years

Bear and I started with orgasm denial some 3 years ago. What we do and how we do has changed in that time.

Bear got comfortable teasing me. He used to feel terrible about teasing me, and then denying me an orgasm. What kind of person does that? Turns out, a loving, giving kind of person. He’s completely comfortable now and loves teasing me and hearing me whimper. He’s good at knowing when I get close, and I’ve gotten good at letting him know when I get close.
Most of the time, now, when I make him come, he’ll get me close two or three times during it, then leave me hard and aching. I ain’t complaining, for sure. More to the point, I feel deeply grateful every time he does this to me. If gratitude is the secret to a happy life, I should be all set.

The amount of time between orgasms is slowly getting longer. It used to be one every 2 to 3 weeks. Then it was one every 6 to 7 weeks. And now – I don’t know. I don’t have enough data. When I last came, it was after 12 weeks and a bit, and I’m hoping I won’t come again this year. Only because the year started with multiple orgasms that I wasn’t allowed to have, and I feel like I have something to prove, here.

My attitude towards denial is changing. Or maybe I should say, my attitude towards failure is changing. “Failure is bad” is getting replaced with “experimentation and failure are good, they are part of learning”. Of course I want to be obedient and don’t want to fail. It’s more about the mindset I have when I do, inevitably, fail. And how I can use that failure productively.

Bear’s dislike of chastity devices hasn’t changed. His reasoning has solidified. A chastity device would “let you off the hook”, and he doesn’t want that. I am to do my best to obey, and struggle with being horny. If there’s a device in the way, my obedience is not as meaningful to him.

While there aren’t chastity devices in our play, and likely never will be, Bear did add things over time.
I am pierced now with a Prince Albert, which feels incredible. It’s also a reminder of our dynamic that makes me happy every time I look at it. Best thing that’s been done to my cock, ever.
I am wearing a cock ring while in the house, which I am to take off when I leave the house. I keep forgetting, and Bear keeps taking it away from me for that. He’s telling me I should make checking for the cock ring part of putting on the seat belt. That way I won’t forget to take it off. I’m confident that’ll work – eventually.
And I wear Bear’s collar whenever I can. Which is in the house, out of the house, but not for customer visits. I left it on a few times and got puzzled comments, so I’m erring on the side of “less bold accessorization” now. It’s a rope dog collar, so it’s not extremely obviously a BDSM thing.

 

Yay!(1)Meh(0)

2 thoughts on “A look back: 3 years”

    1. Thanks :).

      What you don't see are the fights and difficult times. Because we keep that stuff private. We're no fairy tale. But we do strive.

      Yay!(0)Meh(0)

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