I had written about talking with Bear about hurting me, that there is no need to feel guilt about that. Sometime March-ish, I suggested we find out what spanking me really feels like for him. Please gag me and spank me, I said. Let’s find out: What’s the reality, rather than the fantasy?
And so I find myself with a rubber gag in my mouth, bent over at the waist gripping my ankles, worrying about the saliva dripping onto the carpet. Should we have used a towel?
Bear strokes me erect cock and I moan through the gag. That was to be the last bit of pleasure in this session. He positions himself, gripping the wooden spanker we bought a while back on Etsy, and gives me a light swat on my right ass cheek. Not so bad, I think. He gives me some time, then delivers a second, harder swat. I jump a bit. I hope he won’t follow up with another one right away, that was unpleasant. Again he gives me time, then smacks my ass a third time. I yelp involuntarily. I feel fear. I really don’t want another one right after that.
I’m still worrying about the saliva dripping into the carpet, just a bit.
Bear caresses my rump, the feeling of pain slowly subsides. I’m still fearful as he positions himself again. I know that wasn’t even close to how hard he can swing, and it really hurt. To my relief, what I receive next is a light swat on my left ass cheek. He repeats what he did on the right, and again I cry out involuntarily when he delivers that third smack.
At this point, I am well and truly limp. This isn’t sexy. It’s painful. I don’t want any more of this pain. And I do want to obey Bear. So I stay silent, and I stay in the position I’m in, bent over and gripping my ankles. I could move, there’s nothing keeping me from doing so – other than my desire to be a good boy.
And as I am wondering what will come next, Bear releases me. “This isn’t working for me,” he says, or words to that effect. He worries that he is bursting capillaries in my ass. He doesn’t like the red spots he’s seeing on it. “I think I have too much empathy,” he says. “I love you too much.”
So now we know. The fantasy of hurting me is hot. The reality is not. Bear’s not a sadist, after all. That was worth finding out.
And I’m not sad I am free of that pain.