For me? Really?!?

My new collar arrived. Bear is out, getting peppers for a home-made Frank’s Red Hot clone. I can’t wait for him to come back home.

So, wait what? This weekend, Bear wanted to fuck me. I asked him whether he wanted to leash me, as well, and he said yes he would. Using the collar I made some 14 years ago, which recently came out of the toy chest again. And which I’ve since cleaned up. That was Verdigris on there, ya’ll, and a big shout-out to the leatherworker’s group on Fetlife who helped me figure out how to clean it.

That was a really good fuck. One of the most intense ones I ever experienced. Maybe because I was wearing ball weights at the time, maybe because it had been 11 weeks since I last came, maybe because Bear was using the leash to give him leverage and I was leaning into the collar for all I was worth – or a combination of all of the above and it being a nice Sunday.

So, after, when it came time to shower, and then take a nice bubble bath after the shower, the collar had to come off, of course. It being leather. And I asked Bear: “Would you be interested in a collar that can stay on for a shower or bath?” And he said: “That’s just what I had been thinking!”

Ah yeah. Believe you me you did not have to tell me twice. I found a few options online, and Bear picked out a Ruffwear Headwater collar. A dog collar rather than a fetish one, and I find that quite appropriate, given where we are now in our relationship and play. Said collar just arrived, and did I mention I’m all but bouncing around the house?

I’m really glad the old collar came out again and we got to make some good memories with it, after all the hurt I had associated with it before. I am and always will be associating a collar with being owned, with being Bear’s pet. I get and fully accept that to him (qualifier “right now”, and yeah, that qualifier is in my mind), this is just play. I’m good with that, as he is good with the fact that to me, it’s more than just play.

Bear, incidentally, later commented that he was surprised how much leverage the leash gave him, and that he really enjoyed being able to thrust hard without having to put so much work in. I love hearing that. It gives me what I want – a collar – while giving pleasure to Bear. Doesn’t get better than that.

Ah, and because it’s the done thing, I believe: I came today. 11 and a half weeks since last time. We had a frot session not unlike this one, with the difference that there was no way I was going to get Bear off without coming. It wasn’t the same for him when I took my cock out, so I told him that if I kept going and got him off, I’d come. He decided he wanted that. More than A-OK by me. The orgasm itself was intense and I made quite the mess.

He checked in with me a few hours later to ask whether that had upset me. Hell No. I kink on my orgasm being controlled by Bear, and on being obedient to him. That means long-ish denial periods right now, but it could also mean coming frequently whenever he wants me to, and I am equally fine with both. Though I am happy that I had the chance to last for 11+ weeks and prove that I can be obedient past the 7-week mark.

I don’t feel any “post-orgasm funk”, in fact I was horny again 30 minutes later. In no way do I mean to diminish the experiences of those men who have a hard time for a few days after coming – and I am glad I don’t seem to be among them.


The Red Hot Clone is simmering on the stove, and once Bear was no longer busy, I came in with collar and leash in my mouth and knelt. He grinned and put the collar on me, and I had the same butterflies I had 14 years ago when he first collared me. It’s comfortable and he really likes the way it looks. I’m hard and happy. Don’t ask me why I put so much stock in this symbol – all I know is that I do.


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