Four months

Four months of a normal sex life, being teased and brought close by Bear once or twice a week, four months without ejaculation, and I’m loving it. This is only the third time since we started playing with orgasm denial that we’ve gone this long. I feel accomplished in that I consider myself much better now at not masturbating, even though I could. I know that I will come without permission if I stroke, and I get plenty of pleasure from Bear. I do play with my dick, a lot, and I enjoy being able to have erections – I just don’t stroke, because I don’t want to mess up a good thing. Bear trusts me, and I want to be worthy of his trust.

We don’t discuss duration of orgasm denial a lot around here. Four months ago I asked Bear how he’d feel about denying me for 6 months, or a year; he told me he liked the idea, and we haven’t discussed it since. I did check in with him a couple of times, telling him I wanted to make sure he didn’t feel deprived in any way, because I know he likes seeing me come, and he told me he was fine. He didn’t feel deprived of anything. I’m not going to bring that up again, I feel reassured that he’s doing what he likes to do. Thanksgiving is one of those times that he likes to celebrate by having me come. I’m hoping he won’t, and allow me to stay denied for a year, or longer. And, I won’t be holding my breath for that. If he wants to see me come, I’ll be grateful, and I’ll start my own private count over. Bear, I think, is genuinely not counting at all.

The past month or so, I’ve been horny enough that I fantasize about random people’s genitals. People on the street, friends, co-workers. That might be normal for a lot of dudes; for me, it’s not my default setting. And it doesn’t matter whether male, female, or both, or neither … I’ll have thoughts of people’s genitals pop unbidden into my head during otherwise normal interactions with them. I’ll imagine them aroused, I fantasize about their genitals or nipples being pierced, and I fantasize about bringing them to orgasm. Happily, there seems to be a lower age bound – under 30 or so and this doesn’t trigger. If I don’t see someone as a mature adult, I’m not interested. I’m also keeping my interactions friendly, and where appropriate, professional – that I am aroused and have sexual fantasies doesn’t mean I should now start hitting on a person.

Negotiations with my dick, of the kind that involves steel rods and dick jewelry, continue. I got back to 0ga on the piercing, but ended up with even more excess skin around the piercing hole than I already had, which was aggravated by a barbell and then led to a lump of scar tissue. I then stretched that to 0.5ga (9mm) just before flying to Vegas for a week on business. Christ, bad move. Hurt like a motherfucker for about 20 hours, and now, 3 weeks later, is healed enough, finally, for teasing, but not fully healed yet. On the plus side, now that the 9mm ring is in, a 9.3mm barbell also slid right in without issue. I have one more piece of jewelry at 9.7mm, but that won’t fit. Yet. I will try, in the coming weeks, very very gently, to insert that 9.7mm piece of jewelry, because I am done with painful stretches, and I would like this “monster screwball” to fit anyway, and I want to be done with stretching at that point period. 00ga is good enough for me. I have jewelry I really like at this size; the Evotion cage uses that size to anchor; I’m good.

So, lump of scar tissue, and ring of excess tissue around piercing hole. Not amazing. I can only think that this is because I didn’t listen to my own advice of “stretching should never hurt” – at the same time, my dick has been quite resistant to the idea of stretching. Where some people can just slip the next higher gauge in after a year, I’ve had on-and-off stretching sessions with a taper for 1.5 years in one case (original 2ga to 0ga if memory serves), and still it was a struggle.So, now what? I’m going to give it a couple of weeks to see whether it’ll heal or stay aggravated; and I’m reaching out to a urologist to remove the excess skin. It’s not just unsightly, it’s also genuinely in the way. There’ll be a picture of what that looks like, below, as an attempt to educate: This can happen to a dick piercing. I haven’t found many pictures of this state on the interwebs. Maybe it’ll answer questions for someone around stretching and risks thereof. I’ll write an update on the discussion with the urologist, when I have had it.

I am still talking to the Evotion Wearables people. I have one of their piercing-anchored cages, but the front piece “squishes” my glans even when I am flaccid, which pulls on the piercing, which is quite uncomfortable. I’ll discuss sizing so they can make me a new front piece that will, hopefully, fit “just so” when I am not erect and not tug on the piercing. Ironically, I don’t think I need the cage any more – I wanted it to help me not masturbate, and I seem to be doing fine without it. In a way, that’s quite nice: Chastity devices are sex toys, and this’ll allow me to view it purely as that. It’ll be 2020 before I have something that fits well, at this rate. I can wait.

Our remodeling budget is just about maxed out. We’ll take a year-ish to recover from contractors, work on two rooms that we can paint and redo ourselves, work on clutter. After that, it’s the master bathroom and eventually the finished basement, and then we are done. Finito. Even now, the quality of life improvements we are getting from having remodeled rooms is remarkable. It’s not a good money move, but it’s a good life move.

We spent a week at Acadia National Park to decompress. A little bit of sea kayaking, some hiking with the dogs, a lot of doing nothing. I had not been there before, and loved it. I learned that Milo is a very reluctant climber and may need to be bodily hoisted up through a rock crevice, whereas Daisy is not a dog, she is a mountain goat. That dog will jump straight up a boulder and stand sideways on a sloped rock surface and think nothing of it.