Failure attitudes are a thing around here. My attitude is “I haven’t failed, I just found 1,000 ways that don’t work.” Bear’s attitude is a bit harsher. He’s working on that. Heh.
We’re some 4 years – is that right? – into orgasm denial without a device, and I keep coming when I’m not supposed to. In that time, though, there’s been progress. I learned not to use toys in my ass when playing with my dick, because, well, it seems obvious in hindsight. As does a lot of stuff.
I learned to let go of the idea that I was due an orgasm. I’m not. I don’t need to come, really.
I learned to stop obsessing about how long it’s been. I used to know to the day; now I need to check my Dorky Orgasm Tracker to find out.
I got better and better at edging and not coming, but, ultimately, not good enough.
And then, about a week ago, something that I had read about many times finally clicked: Willpower is finite. The best way to avoid giving in to temptation is to remove temptation.
We still don’t use a device. And even when the one we’re getting from Steelworxx arrives, it still won’t be used on a regular basis. Removing temptation by removing the dick is right out.
Removing temptation by an order not to stroke at all doesn’t work, either. We tried that. I get resentful. And eventually I disobey and come anyway. There’s that finite willpower thing again.
If I will stroke myself, and I keep coming without permission, eventually, even if after weeks or months, when I get close – well then the solution would be not to come close. Seems so obvious all of a sudden. If I don’t need to come, I also don’t need to come close. At least not by my own hand.
What we’re trying right now is modifying a few decades of masturbatory habit. Instead of stroking until I am close and then stopping – edging – I stroke until I am close to being close, if that makes sense. And then wait for at least 30 minutes. If I actually do get close, that’s it for the day. Oh, and there’s a limit to how often I can stroke per day. Determined by a die, the sheer nerdery of it all.
So far so good. I don’t feel resentful, I feel grateful. I get to indulge in the fantasy of being “perpetually aroused”, which I’ve had since I was a teen, and which Michael Manning explores so wonderfully. I’ve had a few days where I’ve been crawl-up-the-walls horny, the kind of day that would have resulted in ejaculation before, and all that happened is that I “almost came close”, instead of “almost came”.
I’ll know in a few weeks whether this approach is helpful. And if I’m very lucky, in a few months that it worked – but I am completely open to the outcome of “needs more tweaks”.