It’s not about what you can take, it’s about what you can give

We hosted a MAsT session at our house, and one of the guests told us that at the entrance to the “Dungeon” at La Domaine, there is a sign: “It’s not about what you can take, it’s about what you can give.”

I like that sentiment. It may seem self-evident if you’ve played with BDSM or D/s for any length of time. For those who are new, it can be a fresh perspective.

As an s-type: It’s not about how many strokes you can take, how much you can endure: It’s about what you can give.

As a D-type: It’s not about what you can take from your s-type, it’s about what you can give.

In a wider sense, it applies to community.

On a completely different note, with Thanksgiving fast approaching, and knowing that Bear likes to make me come for Thanksgiving, I’ve asked him not to. Thanksgiving will be 6 months since I had an orgasm, apart from one involuntary nocturnal emission. I’ve asked Bear to allow me to stay denied longer …. past Thanksgiving and, if he feels generous, all through 2020. I read an account by a woman denied orgasm for over 500 days, and she describes out-of-body experiences when being edged, right around day 500 and on. I highly doubt I’ll experience that, and, there’s only one way to find out. To kink, for science!

Always with the caveat that the last thing I’d want is for him to feel deprived of fun. The point of the game is that my orgasm belongs to him: I’d rather come every day for a year, I told him, than see him feel that he’s missing out on something. He’ll “take it under advisement”, he says. It can’t have hurt to ask.

I looked into orgasm-on-command training for people with cocks. I did not find anything specific to cocks, I did find some resources for people with cunts. In a nutshell, it’s conditioning to a trigger … bring someone close, say the trigger (“come for me, pet”, or anything they wouldn’t encounter in any other setting) as the person orgasms. Repeat. When well-established, say the trigger just before the orgasm. See whether you can get them to orgasm a couple seconds before they usually would. And keep repeating. Lengthen the amount of time. Eventually, get to orgasm without or with minimal stimulation prior to the command. Whether that works for cocks, no idea. Orgasm buildup is different, and the refractory period is much longer. The material I did find spoke of doing this daily, as every other day would not be enough to establish a trigger.

I relayed all that to Bear. He’ll think about whether he wants to go down that training path. It’s a lot of effort, and my hunch is, he won’t go there. “Orgasm on command” is a fun fantasy, and, to make me come every day for an unspecified time, possibly a year or longer, in order to get there, that’s a lot of effort and dedication. I don’t think the thought is that hot to him.

2 thoughts on “It’s not about what you can take, it’s about what you can give”

  1. I’ve done some research on male orgasm-on-command. Every source says that there is no way to shorten how long a particular male takes to ejaculate. Given that my relationship only involves sex for me, learning to ejaculate sooner is a very good thing. If Mrs. Lion could quickly edge me and with little more effort get me to ejaculate, things would be a lot easier for her. Apparently it’s the stuff of fantasy. Women, on the other hand, can be trained to orgasm on command. In my years as a top/master, I trained several. It was big fun.

    1. Agreed, I think it’s a wank fantasy more than reality. And even if it could work for a particular man, it’d take daily orgasms and conditioning, for months. Way too much work, in Bear’s opinion.

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