It’s Christmas Day, and Bear was feeling extra horny. Mutual masturbation around midnight, then oral in the afternoon. After, I asked whether we could speak about our denial play a bit. I was struggling, I said. I really really wanted an orgasm, and, I know I am better off denied. Bear asked me whether I was getting everything I needed – more consistency with the bedtime ritual, maybe more teasing? I’ll take all the teasing he wants to give me, I told him. I asked Bear whether he had a duration in mind, or he took it day by day. Day by day, he said. He’s comfortable denying me, he told me. He likes how much pleasure I get from being teased and denied. That arouses him, in turn.
I told Bear I was, difficulties notwithstanding, hoping to go all of 2020 without orgasm, then maybe experiment with the “nogasm” sex toy, which attempts to automate teasing. There is a risk I might come, I told Bear. He said that was fine – it’s all part of exploration. “All of 2020” got a “wow, really” from him, then he mused that while he certainly wouldn’t do it – orgasm is just too good, he said – he’d be comfortable denying me indefinitely. That, I told him, was an extremely arousing thought – and a scary one.
“Permanent” is on the table. It’s just sitting there, to be contemplated. I can have one or several orgasms in the coming years – I likely merely need ask. And, likewise, by asking for it, I can be denied until “further notice”. Teased, brought close – but never to orgasm. Exciting. Scary. “Careful what you ask for” – for now, 2020 is enough of a goal. Given how challenging 7 months are, I am certain I’ll have no shortage of fun and sexy challenges next year.