All the orgasms

I was talking over the finer points of orgasm vs. “ruined orgasm” vs. ejaculation with Thumper on his blog – as one does – and he linked to a piece where he discusses the difference, in his dynamic, between what constitutes an orgasm and what really does not. I see myself in a lot of what he’s describing, the actual goings-on are probably universal to most if not all men. And that got me to thinking: I think I know that any ejaculation is an orgasm in my dynamic, but do I know? I better discuss this with Bear.

So we did. Discuss. And, yep, around here, if the dick twitches and there is semen coming out, that’s an orgasm. No matter how calm that feels or how “ruined”. And it’s not something I’m allowed to do without express permission. I thought that was what the rules were, but it was good to make that explicit one more time. The key to that is what Bear thinks an orgasm is, not any kind of Universal Truth about orgasms.

This does however conflict with something else Bear said – probably about a year ago at this point: He wanted me to “milk myself” for prostate health. And, it turns out, that’s just not a thing for me. Without some form of stimulation of the dick, I don’t ejaculate; and when I do ejaculate, see above, it’s an orgasm, one of those Things Not Allowed.

So I asked Bear how he wanted to handle that. Suggestions I had were to just drop the idea of “milking for prostate health” entirely, I’m perfectly happy to only come when he wants me to. The other ideas were to use the electro-stim toy we have or manual stimulation to induce a “ruined orgasm” in his presence, on a cadence he sets, maybe while we’re doing something else: Reading, or watching something, or playing a game while on the couch. It can take a while, and I certainly didn’t mean to suggest he’d have to pay attention to my dick the entire time.

He mulled it over briefly, and then announced: “I think I’d like to make you come more often. When I’m feeling better.” (He’s got a nasty cold right now)

“Oh?” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “Maybe once or twice a month.”

“Oh wow,” I said.

“I like seeing you come, and it’ll be good for your prostate,” he said. “Let’s try it for a little while.”

All right then. For a little while, during sex with Bear, I’ll be having all the orgasms, all the time. At least that’s what “once or twice a month” feels like now. It’s not up to me whether I come all the time or none of the time, and I really dig that.



Submission: Better with chastity

I want to come. I prefer not to. I think I’m better off when I don’t, on balance.

After the last time I came (after 5 weeks and 5 days, for those of us completely obsessed with counting time), I started thinking about whether chastity made me a “better submissive.”

Certainly, chastity makes submission better for me. It takes me about 4 days to get back to a place where I have at least a background buzz of sexual arousal going on most if not all the time. This makes serving Bear more pleasant for me, and it makes going through my day more pleasant for me. Peaks of desperate arousal included, which seem to happen more during the first two weeks after orgasm.

That’s not the same as “a better submissive”, though. The only yard stick for that is Bear. So I asked him: Am I a “better submissive” when I am denied? Because there’s nothing I like quite so much when denied than talking about my denial. Well, or, truthfully, being teased. That’s better. But still, talking ranks pretty high up there.

Bear’s answer was: “Yes. You’re more eager to please me when you’re denied.”

I was glad to hear it. I had thought that was the case, and it’s good to get affirmation.

I feel I should take a short detour here. The entire idea of a “good” or “better” submissive is entirely subjective, and, at least in my world, can only be judged from one perspective: That of the dominant partner. If your dominant tells you you’re doing good, then you are. On the Interwebs at least, there is a (vocal) subgroup of people that will declare what does and does not a submissive make. Who believe they can chime in on whether you can call yourself slave, or whatever other title floats your houseboat. Who believe they can make distinctions between those who are real, because, for example, they would allow their hair to be shorn, and those who are simply posers in for their own gratification. All while asserting that they do not, in any way, advocate a “One True Way.”

Screw all that. Your relationship is the only yardstick that counts. If you’re happy, and your dominant tells you you’re doing great, then you are the best damn submissive you could possibly be.

Right, off the soapbox again. That wasn’t very sexy, but it may come in handy to someone stumbling over this blog: So I’d rather put it there than leave it implied.

I am glad Bear is into chastity, and kept insisting on making this part of our relationship, even when it didn’t really work for a year. I am glad that what we’re doing now is working: No orgasms that Bear didn’t explicitly give permission for, since early August. (Though, the whole “prostate milking” thing, more on that in a bit.) I enjoy chastity in our relationship, and I want that to remain a part of it. If it wasn’t, I’d miss it greatly.

“Prostate milking”, at least with a vibrator, is off the table again. I had originally suggested it, because of concern for prostate health, and I’m not comfortable with how it turns out in practice. While I don’t experience a full orgasm in any way, there is a refractory period after I ejaculate. And there is a period of lessened desire, which can last a few days.
That’s far too close to “coming without permission” for me to be comfortable. No more of that.

I am planning on getting an njoy pure wand, for the pleasure as well as regular prostate massage. I still want to be healthy. Given that the few studies on prostate health and ejaculation link very frequent ejaculation to increased prostate health, and that even with “milking”, I wouldn’t ejaculate more often than every 10-14 days, I am on balance not convinced it’s going to make a difference to my health. Prostate massage has been shown to make a difference, and that I (hope) I can do easily without even getting close to breaking our agreement.

And now it’s time for me to make Bear’s breakfast. Eagerly.



Thundershirt: Not just for dogs

Yesterday evening, Bear wanted a full-body massage. When I was done with it, he told me to kiss his (limp) cock, which I happily did. He teased me to distraction, then we slept.

This morning, I was allowed to bring him to orgasm by masturbating him. After, he said he’d hope to hump me Sunday, if he feels up to it then. The way he said that, I know I won’t come until Sunday – and I don’t know whether I will then, either. I kink pretty heavily on the control he has over my pleasure and my orgasm, and on not knowing what he has in store for me. Sunday will be 15 days since my last orgasm, since I can’t help counting.

We talked about prostate milking. He’s good with it, as a preventative measure. He thinks “every 10 days or so” would be a good frequency. I’ll keep track, since, see above, I can’t keep myself from counting anyway, and I’ll ask him to be allowed to milk myself when the 10 days are up. And we’ll see how that works out. I don’t foresee this being a big thing, it’s more maintenance than anything else.

And then he went to get a little more sleep, falling asleep with his hand laying on my cock. I had things to do around the house, but I postponed them for an hour, until he rolled away, just to enjoy that possessive, and very pleasurable, gesture.

Right now, I am quite horny. Not “crawl up the walls” horny, but close. I very badly want to touch there, but I’m not allowed to touch there, so I don’t. To give myself sensation, I’m wearing a leather contraption around cock and balls. I find this actually calming, the immense erection it produces notwithstanding. Maybe it works like a Thundershirt for the cock?


What I’ve been reading

These are articles and posts that caught my eye this week. They are not chastity-related.

Being poor measurably impacts IQ and leads to bad decision-making. Fascinating research, and a really good angle to think about when it comes to figuring out how to help people out of poverty.

A young woman writes on her realization that she has been a misogynist all her life. Powerful, powerful stuff.

Making it in IT as a woman, by dressing like a man.



Your milkshake no bring any boys to yard, you take away

On Tuesday, I experimented with what is called prostate milking in pervy parlance, or so I am told. The science on prostate health and frequency of orgasm is inconclusive. Reasonably, then, I could ignore it all and just not do anything about it, and a good many people go that route. Still, prostate massage is recommended as a way to improve prostate health, and so with that, I think I’ll come down on the side of regular milking. Bear has no qualms with this plan in general, though I neglected to let him know I’d be experimenting that day. Not my proudest moment.

I used a “Nobra Standard“, which is a vibrator that is very beautiful, very quiet, extremely powerful (12V motor, baby – no high-pitched whine here), and handcrafted in Germany. Worth every Eurocent I paid for it. I could nerd longer about that thing, and maybe I shall in a future entry.

Angling the vibrator just so and rubbing it over my prostate produced a bit of precum, though I stayed limp. After a while, I positioned the head of the vibrator directly on the prostate. That thing is powerful enough that when I played with the speed, my buttocks would jiggle in resonance. That’s an odd feeling and no mistake.

Finally, I just set it to its highest setting and left it there. My cock started twitching – still no more than maybe quarter engorged and mostly lying there – and there was a part of me that thought “this is working, so you should really stop this and resume with Bear.” Yeah, I ignored that part of me. I felt something like the buildup to the point of no return, and then a good amount of semen was pumped out. I don’t think that was an orgasm. There wasn’t the buildup of pleasure and release that I associate with an orgasm. It was an ejaculation, and I did have a refractory period.

Definitely no more of that kind of play without Bear around, or at least without his explicit knowledge and consent. We haven’t figured out how often I’ll do this. I think I am going to suggest “every 10 days or so” for longer periods of denial.