Talk to each other, you say?

On our 19th anniversary, Bear said “It’s a shame you have a hard time reaching yourself when I hump you. I really like it when you stroke yourself.” Eh? Wut? I don’t have a hard time reaching myself, I just didn’t ask for permission to stroke because I thought it’d be, you know, improperly submissive. Focus on the pleasure of the Dominant and all that.

Yeah. 19 years and now I find out that Bear loves it when I stroke myself while he fucks me; and he finds out I can reach myself just fine. I guess this is what they (They!) mean when they talk about “good communication”. Too funny.


Yay I have mail! “modem” writes:

This is awesome. Please keep your orgasm tracker active; it’s hot seeing how long you go. I’d love to see you keep a log of long denied edging sessions too, but I’ll admit it’s only for… reasons.

Perhaps logging your “successfully denied” masturbation sessions would help motivate better behavior? You get the payoff (and recognition) for being horny enough to jerk off, but disciplined enough to stop. We can distinguish between “success due to swamped at work” from “really struggling but well-behaved”.

Thank you for the kudos! It’s always nice to get feedback. “Long denied edging sessions” are rare with us. Mostly Bear strokes me while I get him off. I don’t set an egg timer, but around 10 minutes or so, less if he comes particularly quickly.

We do have this “dice” thing going, which Bear has suspended for the time being. Too many orgasms without permission. A tracker for masturbation sessions sounds like fun, if rather self-indulgent fun. I didn’t want to clutter the orgasm tracker with daily entries, so I’ve installed and adapted an events plugin for the purpose. Enjoy! Brand-new masturbation calendar. Goodness me. The debauchery around here.


That happy subby feeling

The other night, I told Bear that getting pierced was the best thing that had happened to me in a long time.

“Why is that?” he inquired.

Because it felt like he finally accepted me for who I am, I said.

“I’ve always accepted you for who you are,” Bear said. “I think it’s more that I am now accepting my part of that, my responsibility.”

He has an excellent point. To unpack that conversation a little: The piercing is a first step. It’ll heal, and I’ll stretch it to 4ga, and then for our wedding anniversary next year, Bear will put a locking curved barbell into my dick, and he’ll take ownership of me again. Which he relinquished when our first attempt at Master/pet crashed and burned, lo these many years ago.

To me, then, this isn’t just a piercing. It’s a symbol. Bear has told me that the piercing and the jewelry in it are his. By extension, my dick belongs to him; and next year, I will belong to him. And that feels great.

I told him that I view the piercing as a piece of his will and desire that is always in me. He looked at me somewhat blankly, then joked “if I could always be in you, I would be.” I think I may have gone a little overboard with the flowery language.

I am definitely reacting to Bear’s increasing sense of dominance. It makes it easier for me to remember that he has the last say – though I still talk back plenty – and to address him as “Sir” in the appropriate context. And I am hoping that this, in turn, makes it easier for him to show his dominant side, that we have the beginnings of a positive feedback loop here.

However our relationship evolves, you know I’ll be blogging about it here.

This Saturday, Bear started teasing me again. Very lightly, just running a fingertip along the underside of my cock or the edges, or touching a fingertip to the piercing. This is intensely pleasurable, and I get vocal and loud when he does that. Until he reminds me our son is in the house and I should keep it down.

I am happy he’s comfortable teasing me again. I crave more, I want him to wrap my cock in his hand and stroke me. He is waiting until the piercing has had more time to heal. I want to be patient, and I am. I was debating whether I should tell him about the cravings I feel, and decided it was better for me to tell him, and tell him that I want to be patient and this is not to be understood as me pestering him. He told me he wants to know what I feel.

The piercing feels healed at this point, though being careful with it is definitely still the order of the day. It’s been a bit over 2 weeks since it went in.

Bear has had 3 orgasms in the past 4 days, which is quite unusual for him. He doesn’t often have that much sexual appetite. I am enjoying it thoroughly.