I’m hanging in a casino, waiting for the company holiday party to start. As good a time as any to update the blog.
Bear has really taken to teasing me in the past couple months. He’s gotten frighteningly good at it. Recent accident notwithstanding, he can now usually get me close repeatedly, and keep me in a state of frazzled near-orgasmic arousal, without my needing to tell him I’m close. He says he doesn’t think about it, he just does it. Pure intuition.
I am fucking loving it. I feel connected to him, and loved, and accepted – and of course there’s the intense pleasure, that doesn’t hurt either. Though it did, that one time. I didn’t know pleasure can become so intense it’s near painful. It can.
Bear got me a collar a while back, which I love. It’s a simple rope dog collar with a clasp. Etsy has a gazillion people making these and Bear picked one, which I may link when I’m back home. Of course the one he picked out is far superior to all the other, nearly identical ones.
I tried wearing it to work and that sorta was okay, as dress shirts mostly hide it, but I’ve ultimately decided that wasn’t worth it. But I wear it at every other time, and to and from work. It makes me happy to be having that reminder that I am his.
I saw Thumper’s tweet about “imagine living in a world where you could wear a collar openly” and I’d argue we do. Live in that world. Sorta. At least this collar, as no one’s said a thing. Not in the grocery store, in the pub, or at work when I forgot to take it off when I’m coming in. I get the occasional look but am probably imaging it. One friend recognized it for what it was and commented, and everyone else is either oblivious or really polite.
Now, an obvious leather collar, that might be more difficult depending on where you live and what your job is. And, there’s chain, and there’s rope, and there’s jewelry. Collars are doable, is all I’m saying.
The piercing is taking its own sweet time to get to the point where it can be stretched. I tried a few times, and it really doesn’t want to. These “auto-stretch” all by themselves for many people, but that’s not been my experience. I’ll give it until January 1st and then I may grab a taper. Carefully, mind you, I’m not going to force anything. I am looking forward to getting off the 8ga. It can be a bit pinchy at times. I’m thinking 6ga should improve on that (and then 4ga, and 2ga).
May 24th for the day Bear locks a 2ga hollow barbell into my dick might not be realistic at this point. There’s no rush, I’m telling myself.
My attitude towards denial has shifted. Ever since Bear got me the collar and I was pierced, my obsession with “how long it has been” has lessened. My conflicting desires to be denied for longer periods, and to come right fucking now, have unconflicted (that’s a word as of right now). I just want to come right fucking now. When and whether I do is Bear’s concern, not mine.
Well that’s the theory and the attitude at this point in time, anyhow :).