I had forgotten to take off the cock ring I wear around the house, when I was out taking the dog to the park. Well, more to the point, taking the dog to the park while the daughter learns to drive me there. Let’s say I was more than just a bit preoccupied.
I figured it out when I was at the park. And told Bear when we were back. He took the ring off me, and didn’t allow me to wear it again until two nights later. That first night was rough. I hardly slept a wink.
And then I did it again, and again in the exact same situation: Taking the dog, with the daughter threatening to drive the car into the berm. This time, I didn’t actually notice until we were back home. Bear took the ring off me for 6 nights. And he changed the rules: Yes, I can still wear the ring “on the grounds.” But if I am getting ready to leave, I am to take the ring off before I step through the door.
I feel fairly confident the lesson’s been rammed home.
A bit over two weeks ago, we celebrated my birthday. It had been a bit over 8 weeks since I last came. As planned, I got on my knees and asked Bear to please not make me come, to keep me horny for longer. “Maybe,” he said. “We’ll see.”
As a present, Bear had three pieces of lingerie for me. A black mesh boxer-brief, which he likes a lot; a red flimsy thing of lace that is quite playful; and a white brief with snaps at the sides. My very own stripper brief.
A little later that day, Bear bound me. He blindfolded me, and made me shiver by running rope over my body and teasing my cock. Then he bound me in a harness, but reversed so my arms were in front, to be careful of my (still) injured shoulder. I felt him running rope around my cock and balls, and back through my crack.
And then he pressed me down on my knees and fucked my mouth. The rope he had bound around my cock tightened as I knelt, and I could feel my erection become rock-hard between my thighs.
What this wasn’t was me sucking him off. I had no control over depth or speed, and I couldn’t use my hands to fondle him. I was desperately horny and longed for my cock to be handled, but that was not to be. Bear held on to me and thrust into my mouth, and when he got close, he thrust in deep and came down my throat, ignoring the fact that I was gagging around his cock.
It wasn’t what I had envisioned. I had fantasized about being stroked and teased close to orgasm. That didn’t happen. After he came, Bear untied me, lightly ran a hand over my cock, and that was that.
And, it was wonderful. I really enjoyed being Bear’s fuck toy.
And yes, he indulged me. He didn’t make me come, and I haven’t come since.
I know what it feels like to be denied and constantly horny. I don’t know what it feels like to have a partner who is denied. So I asked Bear.
What he told me was that because I am always horny, he doesn’t have to feel guilty about demanding sex from me when he wants it, because he knows I will always be eager. It’s an answer I had not expected. I am glad I asked.
He also told me that my frequent arousal drives home the idea that I am his sex toy. “At the same time that you are also my husband,” he hastened to add.
Husband and sex toy who is being kept denied and sexually frustrated. I can live with that.
A little over a year ago, I figured out how to obey Bear for longer than 7 to 10 days. Since then, orgasm denial has become a normal part of our lives, and Bear has become comfortable with it. “I am so desperate,” I said recently. “Good,” Bear said.
For the first time in that year, I am denied “for a long time” by Bear’s arbitrary reckoning, which is any period longer than 8 weeks. It’s been 11 weeks. I get a kick out of knowing that it’s been over 2 months, and that I will likely wait as long again. And if I’m really lucky, Bear will keep me denied until our next anniversary, making it a full year. Or, hey, why not beyond.
My emotional state right now is one of acceptance. When Bear teases me, I want to come. Desperately and right then. Without reservations. And, I am also completely accepting of the fact that I will only come when Bear wants me to, that I begged him to keep me horny, and he’s giving me what I asked for.
I am curious to find out whether the way denial feels changes as the time I am denied gets longer. That’s why I am saying “if I am lucky, he will deny me for a year or even longer.” Not because I hate orgasm. I love orgasm. Not even because I enjoy being horny so much. I do, and I know that after orgasm, it takes a few hours before I am horny again. Orgasm is just a brief point of intense pleasure and relief in an ongoing reality of sexual need. Whether I come or not doesn’t change that most of the time, I’ll feel the sexual frustration I have become accustomed to.
But maybe that accustomed feeling changes over time, becomes something more intense, or merely different. Maybe the feeling doesn’t change, but I change, as I have already been changing. That’s what I am curious to find out.
How about you, whether denying or denied? Does long-term denial feel different than medium-term? Does the behavior of the one being denied change? Does the behavior of the one doing the denying change?