What is a ruined orgasm?

About two weeks ago, after I had knelt between Bear’s legs and given him a blow job and was appropriately hot and bothered, Bear indulged me by teasing me. When I got close, I told him, and he gave me one more stroke before taking his hand away, as he has done in the past. This time, it was too much. After a second or so, my cock twitched involuntarily. “Oh, no,” I said. I clenched, to no avail. “I don’t think I can,” I started, and Bear said “It’s okay, it’s alright”, and as my cock started pumping out cum, he kept saying “it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

In hindsight, I’m pretty happy that there was no desire at all to lay hands on my cock and make the orgasm more powerful or more pleasurable. The only thing I wanted in that moment is not to come, because Bear hadn’t intended me to.

I’m not worrying about it. At the same time, I am already thinking about ways of avoiding this in future. Warn Bear earlier, if I can. Take off ball weights before being teased. Which I wore, as you do. That sort of thing.

In denial / chastity circles, that sort of orgasm is often referred to as “ruined.”  A planned, allowed orgasm with Bear’s hand on my dick is far, far more pleasurable. To call an unplanned orgasm “ruined” doesn’t fit my experience, however. There is still physical pleasure and there is still an hours-long refractory period.

The fictional accounts of ruined orgasms I can discount, those are right there with “inescapable chastity devices” and “being locked against my will” and all the other fun, happy wank-fodder. I do like wank-fodder, even though I don’t wank any more.

Beyond fiction, maybe for some people, coming without stimulation really is akin to ruin. I am curious: If you yourself consider a hands-off orgasm “ruined,” what makes it so? What’s the emotional impact of coming that way?


7 thoughts on “What is a ruined orgasm?”

  1. Every sub has experienced the dreaded ‘ruined’ orgasm. For me, it’s a two edged sword because it usually leaves me feeling some combination of ashamed, unfulfilled, guilty, disappointed. But I know some sort of ‘punishment’ will then result. I normally enjoy these sorts of sessions, but they really are a true punishment with an orgasm off the table and out of the way.

    1. I suppose I have to count myself lucky that I haven’t been punished for these mistakes. It’s tough to give a warning in time, I feel like I get worse at that, not better.

  2. I have to tell you that I have come to prefer ruined orgasms in my life with my loving Mistress in our happy FLM. I understand completely what you mean about ruined orgasms, but the thing I like about them is that I am able to ejaculate multiple times in a row. My Mistress will ruin my orgasm, and then sometimes immediately begin again to induce another one, usually with the same result. I’m usually good for 3 in a row and have had 4 and also haven’t been able to produce more than 1 on occasion. What I like most about them is that if there is a refractory, it is usually very short lived and measured in mere minutes.

    1. I can see that when it’s intentional. Not so much ‘ruined’ then as … I kinda like your word “induce,” maybe that works. Induced orgasm. Hmm.

  3. The label “ruined” comes with a bunch of connotations that probably don’t apply to everyone.

    For me, a ruined orgasm (when stimulation stops right after the point of no return) consists mostly of ejaculation and contractions of only the muscle groups necessary for that. There’s none of the awesome whole body feelings that you get from a great orgasm. But also, and perhaps most importantly, I don’t have as much of a mood drop as I do with a full orgasm and I’m back to peak horniness levels much quicker (probably the next day, rather than a week or so later).

    I like feeling horny and denied, and “ruined” orgasms let me get back to that feeling much quicker. I think I’m a better partner when I’m feeling like that too. So are those orgasms really ruined, or are they optimal? 🙂

    1. I hear you. I’ve been lucky in that I haven’t experienced mood drops after full orgasm, at least lately. Sure. “Optimal orgasm” – the one where the sub doesn’t get any whole-body nirvana and just spurts. Optimal for some, right? 🙂

    2. I completely agree. I like feeling horny and denied as well and being denied a full-on orgasm allows for quick recovery for me as well. Almost instantaneously in fact. I have come to prefer a ruined orgasm for other reasons, not the least of which is Mistress prefers for me to have them. There is an ironic pleasure that comes from the sensation-less draining of semen that comes with a ruined orgasm. It is a feeling that i have been trained to associate with the comfort of my subspace.

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